Anxiety is a bitch! My heart races, I get really nervous, I stutter and feel twitchy. It’s like chugging way too much coffee and having to sit still. It’s horrible, I can’t breathe, my head feels cloudy and confused. I try deep breaths, I try counting, I try to hide for a few minutes to try to focus on the moment, to try to stay grounded. Sometimes I’m successful and can go back to my day, other times it takes a little longer. Sometimes I need to leave where I’m at ASAP and get in my car and get home! I’m safe at home. I used to hear people talk all the time about their anxiety and I always thought they were full of shit! Nope this shits real! It’s a horrible feeling, a loss of control, a loss on my grip on reality.
How scary is it to be fine one second, then BOOM, your world’s caving in around you, feels like forever, even if it’s only a few minutes sometimes. I haven’t figured out what triggers it yet, it’s usually completely random, but I do know I can attempt to control it and not let it completely control me.
I’ve noticed lately my kids keep me centered. When they’re with me I don’t get nervous while driving, I don’t get scared in stores and have to leave with out my stuff. I can focus on them and taking care of them and my crazy thoughts and feelings go away. Maybe that’s why I feel safe at home, they’re here, Danny’s here, my safe place is here. The chaos of our home is safe to me. I walk in the door and all the feelings of the day fade away.